Blended Families

Couples who remarry are less likely to last as long as first marriages. They are even more less likely to fail when children are involved. For a blended family to work the couple needs to have more discussions behind closed doors. The couple needs to talk about how they are going to blend their two different families into one. On average a blended family takes about two years to get to their normalcy.

In a blended family discipline is a very tricky thing to balance. The step parent is not the child's parent so they are more likely to rebel against what the step parent does. It is suggested that the birth parent do all heavy discipline. Even when stepparents have a good relationship with children they are equivalent to a favorite aunt or uncle. These aunts or uncles usually have clear expectations for the children. They are warm, open, accepting and supportive of the parent.

Blended families have so many challenges, but every family does. With work and willingness to try any family can succeed.

"The most important work we will ever do is within the walls of our own home" -Harold B. Lee

Parenting

Parenting styles come in all shapes and sizes. There is no right or wrong way to raise your child because every child is different. Becoming a parent is so nerve racking to me because where do you begin? This week in class I learned about some helpful tips to fit into any parenting style.

When raising children it is important to Encourage them rather than Discourage them.

Here are some ways we can encourage children:

             Encourage

• Build Strengths
• Show Confidence
• Value the Teen/Child as is
• Stimulate Independence

Here are some things we want to avoid doing:

           Discourage

• Focusing on Mistakes and Weaknesses
• Expecting the Worst or Too Little
•  Expecting Too Much
• Over Protective

There are three parts to a Parent Child Relationship. The parts are Warmth, Consistency, and Strictness. Children need warmth so they know you care about them and have their best interest in mind. The warmth creates an open environment so the child can easily communicate. Consistency is good for children because they know what to expect. Strictness is important, but it is also important to make sure that it is not over done. Children are learning so they need firm boundaries so they can learn in a safe environment. The objective for parenting is not to manipulate or control children.

The best way to teach children is by Natural Consequences. Think back to when you were a child about something that you learned. You probably didn't learn it because your parents yelled at you or gave an amazing lecture. Natural Consequences let the child learn on their own. This helps them remember and learn better because it's not something you just told them not to do. There are instances when letting Natural Consequences teach children is not a good idea. 

When You Don't Allow Natural Consequences to Teach

• Consequences are too dangerous
• Consequences are too far in the future
• Consequences impact other

Parenting is always going to be full of ups and downs. It is important to remember that there are many who are going through what you are going through. There are so may sources to help you. You are not alone.

Family Budgeting

Budgeting isn't just managing money, but it is managing ourselves. Many people say that they can't do a budget because as a family they have a hard time working together, but working on a budget will help them start working together. When I was little my parents taught us to budget our money. They taught me to always take 10% out for tithing and at least 20% for savings. My parents would match anything we put into savings until we got a real job. This encouraged us to put money into savings.

A question many families face is whether or not to give children allowances. Should parents pay their children for chores they do? Or does that make the child seem like employees? On the other hand it is really bad for children to learn entitlement. How do children learn certain expectations of the family, but reward them for the work they do? 

When I was growing up I remember my parents never gave me an allowance. I had my set of chores I had to do every day and then whatever my parents asked on top of that. If I wanted to make money my parents had a list of chores that I could do that were things that would be nice to have done, but not necessary. One of these chores was picking rocks out of the garden...I hated this chore, but if I wanted money it was one of the chores I could do. As I got older, but not old enough to get a job, activities with my friends or school activities would come up that rock picking just couldn't pay for. My parents would then pick up the slack at the last minute. This helped me to work my hardest to earn the money for it because they wouldn't always pick up the slack, but when they could tell I was really working hard they were more than willing.

I am so grateful for what my parents taught me about budgeting in my early years because it has helped me so much with budgeting my money now that I am away from home living at college.