Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

How do you communicate? The first thing that comes to mind is using words, but is that what we use most? Is it mostly with your words, nonverbal actions, or tone? On average studies have shown that we communicate with each other using words 14%, nonverbal 51%, and our tone is 35%.  What is the communication process? First we have a thought or feeling which we encode so the other person will understand. Next a medium or media is used, which is tone, words, or nonverbal actions. The other person then decodes the message they are receiving. Then the person has a thought or feeling and the process is then repeated.

Somethings we talked about in class is that how harmful sarcasm is. The reason sarcasm is so harmful is because your words mean one thing but your tone and actions mean different things. This can be very confusing with people you are communicating with. Even though they may know you are joking when it comes to a serious matter they may find it harder to know when you are being sincere. While it is important to be transparent and open that does not mean the same thing as being brutally honest. Just because you thought it doesn't mean you have to share it.

When problems arise with in a family or relationship here are some steps to help you.
1, Express love and appreciation
2. Open with prayer
3. Discuss to consensus
4. Close with prayer
5. Refreshments (have a treat together)

Always remember that problem solving isn't a competition speak with love and kindness. "Get Curious, Not Furious" Don't create problems they will come one their own. There is no way to avoid problems all together but there are ways to come out of them stronger together.


 

The Family Under Stress

What are the things that come to mind when you think of the word stress?  Somethings I thought of were anxiety, headache, challenges, and things not going your way. What about when you think of the word crisis? Crisis to me is something that flips your world around, breaking pointed, and a stress level not kept in check. An easy way I remember the difference between stress and a crisis is stress is like a pole that is getting bent. It doesn't take too much work to bend it back into shape. A crisis would be when that pole snaps in half. A lot more work is needed to make the pole whole again.

If you ask anyone for the most part they just wish all their stresses would go away, but would that be a good thing? In life we need stresses to make us stronger. Just like our bones and muscles need stresses to make them stronger. The stress working out and every day life puts stress on our bodies to keep them strong. I think stress in our lives can also make us strong.

How do we go about stress so that it makes a stronger as a family and so it doesn't drive the family apart? The most important thing to do is to handle stress together. This helps build the relationships between every family member. Don't let stress build up until it becomes a crisis. Be open and talk about things that are causing stress. A good model on how to go about stressful situations is the ABC Model. A stands for Actual Event. Talk about what the situation and what happened. B stands for Both Responses and Resources. Talk about the responses of those who are involved and talk about the resources you have to fix it. C stands for Cognition. Cognition is how each person saw the situation. A, B, and C all add up to be the Total Experience. When you have the total experience it is the easiest to over come the situation correctly. When you take the time to do things correctly the first time, things last longer and require less work later.

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

Children are getting exposed to sexual things earlier and earlier. The sources they are getting exposed and learning from are things such as other children at school, pornography, TV, the internet, and etc. These are not the best sources to learn from. These sources don't love your child like you do or will. The best way to have your children learn is to be proactive in teaching them. This conversation will probably always be a hard one to get started. A child will probably not be the one to come to you with questions, so it the parents job to start this conversation. Where do you start? On LDS.org there is a entire manual called A Parent's Guide dedicated to properly teaching your child on this subject. The manual has instruction for infants all the way up to what to say to teenagers. Things to teach infants would be about their bodies and how special they are. For teenagers would be the sex talk and the importance of saving it for marriage.

In today's world we are quick to tell children the dangers of pornography, unprotected sex, and sex outside of marriage. Something that doesn't get talked about as much is the beauty of sex and what it brings to a marriage. In a marriage having sex isn't just having sex a better term to use would be making love. It isn't just the action, but emotions, closeness, joy, and selflessness that is expressed. Studies have shown that a healthy sex life is a good indicator of the rest of a relationship. If a couple can communicate successfully about intimacy then they can usually discuss other personal issues in the relationship. While it is important to teach children the dangers of sexual intimacy we should also teach them the joys of sexual intimacy in the right circumstances.

While raising our children we have or will have it is our job to open and help them with question they may have. If we don't answer them or aren't ready to answer them someone else will, but no one will love your child like you do or will.

"Love is not how many times you say I love you but how many times you prove it" 

Transitions in Marriage

Many people look at marriage as a goal to meet. I'm sure we all have heard things like "Oh when we get married things will be better". If only that was the case. Marriage is more like a starting line of a race than a finish line.

After getting married many transitions happen in order to have a happy and successful marriage. In class we made lists of these transitions for the first month and the first year.

First Month  

• Combining Schedules
• Defining Roles
• Setting Boundaries with Family and Friends
• Sharing everything
• Sharing a Bed/Room
• How to talk about important issues

First Year

• Finances
• Schooling
• Habits/Rituals
• Pressure from Family and Friends
• The "Baby Decision" 
• Coping with Disagreements

This list was just a few things that newly married couples have to cope with. When couples experience these struggles they are real and frustrating. Sometimes it is easy to think that if a couple cohabited before marriage it would be easier transition for these types of struggles, but studies have shown that cohabiting actually creates the opposite. Brother Williams used an analogy to explain why. In life people all have their own line. When a couple gets married their two lines join. They now share everything. When a couple only moves in together they are still separate lines. They are parallel lines but still separate. They may share some things like a bed and living space, but for the most part he still has his stuff and she still has her stuff.  Even after couples that got married after cohabiting still had the mindset of cohabiting. 

Marriage is such a special thing because it is the best way to join two separate lives into one.