Choosing who you will marry in life is a huge decision that you hope to only have to make once in your life. The big question is "How do you make the best decision when picking a spouse?" There are so many people on this planet how can we possibly narrow it down to one person?
There are three things that narrow down your search: propinquity, physical appearance, and personal traits. Propinquity is opportunity, culture, shared experiences, and similar interests. Opportunity is the number one thing that narrows down our search. There are so many people on this earth that you just don't get the opportunity to meet and get to know them. Where you live is usually where you find someone. Culture is what we believe. People who believe things similar to what you believe you are more likely to connect with them. The same goes with shared experiences and similar interests.
Physical appearance is something that draws you towards a person. You have to be attracted to your spouse to some degree. They may not be the most attractive person you have ever seen, but their personality changes that. Researchers have found that on average you marry someone who is similar to your family, by looks and personality. Personal traits is similar to interests and experiences. They shape us to be who we are and people who have the same or have been through the same things are usually more compatible. All of these things play an important role on choosing a spouse.
After all of these things that narrow down our search for a spouse how do we make a relationship work? A good theory to use is the RAM. The RAM stands for Relationship Attachment Model. It has four steps Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Touch. All these steps need to be done in that specific order for a relationship to work. Think of all the steps having a lever. Every lever needs to meet the top of the scale before moving on to the next step. As an example if you were to trust someone you were dating before you got to know them there would be higher chances of getting that trust broken. When all these steps are done in the right order the relationship has the highest chances to survive.
Another thing to consider would be the Three T's: Togetherness, Time, and Talk. A relationship must have all three of these in order to succeed. All of the T's result in getting to know someone. If you didn't want to know and continue to get to know someone why would you want to date them or marry them?
Relationships and marriage takes work. It isn't always going to be sunshine and daisies. That's why it's so important our relationships are based on more than just looks and physical touch. I know that it is important that as we look for someone to share the rest of our lives with, that we aren't just looking for a spouse but a best friend.
"Choose your Love; Love your Choice" -President Thomas S. Monson
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Friday, May 20, 2016
Gender Roles and Family Life
Over the last couple of decades gender roles and family life has changed dramatically. There is a urge to make everything equal for everyone, whether male or female. Every single person is different. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses this makes the world go round. The differences in people are the best things about the world we live in.
Our different traits allow us to fulfill different roles in our society and in our own families. I think it is important that we realize that all roles are equally important. A father who goes to work to earn a living for his family is as equally important as a mother who stays home to take care of the children. The children also play important roles by learning and developing. Without the father there would be no income for the family to live off of. Without the mother the house would be a mess and the children would be out of control making it hard for them to learn and grow to become a productive member of society. You see every member of the family is important. This is the same for everyone in a society. We need sanitation workers to take away trash just like we need doctors to heal the sick to have a successful society.
Within our genders we have what we have "masculine" and "feminine" traits. In our society we are set on these traits only coming from their assigned gender, but if we see them from the opposite gender they are ridiculed. This in return makes them be an outcast or they suppress the traits. If you were to make a list of traits that were "feminine" and "masculine" you would realize that both genders have traits on both sides. Having traits on both sides is great, you wouldn't want to marry or be friends with someone who only showed traits from one side. Even though we share traits on both sides we still have certain traits we are better at. It's natural and part of our biology to have these differences. Instead of trying to make everyone be the same we should embrace our differences. We can't make it through this world on our own. We need others with differences so we can help each other through this life.
Our different traits allow us to fulfill different roles in our society and in our own families. I think it is important that we realize that all roles are equally important. A father who goes to work to earn a living for his family is as equally important as a mother who stays home to take care of the children. The children also play important roles by learning and developing. Without the father there would be no income for the family to live off of. Without the mother the house would be a mess and the children would be out of control making it hard for them to learn and grow to become a productive member of society. You see every member of the family is important. This is the same for everyone in a society. We need sanitation workers to take away trash just like we need doctors to heal the sick to have a successful society.
Within our genders we have what we have "masculine" and "feminine" traits. In our society we are set on these traits only coming from their assigned gender, but if we see them from the opposite gender they are ridiculed. This in return makes them be an outcast or they suppress the traits. If you were to make a list of traits that were "feminine" and "masculine" you would realize that both genders have traits on both sides. Having traits on both sides is great, you wouldn't want to marry or be friends with someone who only showed traits from one side. Even though we share traits on both sides we still have certain traits we are better at. It's natural and part of our biology to have these differences. Instead of trying to make everyone be the same we should embrace our differences. We can't make it through this world on our own. We need others with differences so we can help each other through this life.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Social Class and Cultural Diversity
Social classes and different cultures are all around us. We experience them every single day without evening thinking about it. When you think about it the people you spend your time with usually have things in common with you like education, resources, values, behavior, and lifestyle. People who don't share these things with you, you usually don't spend time with them. This is how social classes get defined. In class we watched many videos from the television show People Like Us. These videos showed examples of people in their different social classes. One of the episodes that I really thought was interesting was a lady we would assume was "higher" class was instructing a woman in a "lower" class as her to be high class, by dressing her in a "higher" class way and teaching her a few social aspects of the "higher" class. Later that night the both attended an art gallery. It was interesting that at the gallery the "lower" class woman, even though she had all the physical things to fit in, didn't quite fit in because of the behavior differences she wasn't accustom to. Social classes include more things than just resources that we see up front.
Culture can be a variety of things it can be the place where we are from, what religious group we are apart of, the neighborhood we live in, and even within our own family. In our different cultures there are varying things that we do that other cultures would never do and vice versus. In class, our teacher asked, "Are all cultures valid?" The automatic response for almost everybody was yes, until our teacher started bringing up different cultural beliefs like animal sacrifices, polygamy, and other things that go against what we define in the law as right. Are these cultures valid in doing these things or should their be a line drawn? That then rises the question of who gets to draw that line where it stops? This became very controversial in class because cultures are shaped by feelings, beliefs, and experiences that are all valid, but does that make the actions valid? I personally believe that no culture is completely valid. There is always something that could be done better (not better compared to other cultures, but better within themselves). So what do you think? Is everything in your culture valid?
Culture can be a variety of things it can be the place where we are from, what religious group we are apart of, the neighborhood we live in, and even within our own family. In our different cultures there are varying things that we do that other cultures would never do and vice versus. In class, our teacher asked, "Are all cultures valid?" The automatic response for almost everybody was yes, until our teacher started bringing up different cultural beliefs like animal sacrifices, polygamy, and other things that go against what we define in the law as right. Are these cultures valid in doing these things or should their be a line drawn? That then rises the question of who gets to draw that line where it stops? This became very controversial in class because cultures are shaped by feelings, beliefs, and experiences that are all valid, but does that make the actions valid? I personally believe that no culture is completely valid. There is always something that could be done better (not better compared to other cultures, but better within themselves). So what do you think? Is everything in your culture valid?
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Understanding Family Dynamics and Theories
The family is such a complex thing because no two families are exactly alike. This makes families hard to study, but this week in class we learned about four theories of how families and relationships work. The four theories are Conflict Theory, Symbolic Interaction Theory, Exchange Theory, and Systems Theory. In a family all these theories can be present at certain times or they can just take bits and pieces of each one. Knowing how relationships and families work can be so important to their success.
The Conflict Theory is a power struggle. One person or group is always trying to have more power than the other person or group that is involved. The Symbolic Interaction Theory is that in a relationship people are always communicating whether it be through words, actions, objects, or gestures. This can lead to many misunderstandings because everybody has their own interpretations of the things that happen to them in the world around us. The Exchange Theory is like a scale. If you give something you will be expecting something in return and vice versa. If a relationship is costing more than you more than the reward the relationship usually doesn't last. The last theory is Systems Theory. A relationship together is better than separate parts. Everyone has different roles and rules that apply to them in the relationship. The roles everyone plays are specific and something only they can fulfill completely. The uniqueness of everyone bringing their strengths and weaknesses to the family is what I think makes the family so great. In today's world sometimes we get caught up in trying to make sure that everything is exactly equal for every single person, but that sometimes takes away our individuality. Just because someone's role is different than yours doesn't mean theirs is more or less important than yours. It just means that it is different. If we were all the same the world would be such a boring place to be.
I love my family so much! I am so grateful that I am sealed to them for time and all eternity. I believe that before we even came to Earth we knew what families we were going to be in. We weren't just randomly sent down here. Our Father in Heaven placed us in specific families so we could fulfill our divine purpose and help each other in the best way possible in returning to our Father in Heaven after our journey here. So the next time you are struggling with your family just remember they need you and you need them because there are certain things you can't do without each other.
The Conflict Theory is a power struggle. One person or group is always trying to have more power than the other person or group that is involved. The Symbolic Interaction Theory is that in a relationship people are always communicating whether it be through words, actions, objects, or gestures. This can lead to many misunderstandings because everybody has their own interpretations of the things that happen to them in the world around us. The Exchange Theory is like a scale. If you give something you will be expecting something in return and vice versa. If a relationship is costing more than you more than the reward the relationship usually doesn't last. The last theory is Systems Theory. A relationship together is better than separate parts. Everyone has different roles and rules that apply to them in the relationship. The roles everyone plays are specific and something only they can fulfill completely. The uniqueness of everyone bringing their strengths and weaknesses to the family is what I think makes the family so great. In today's world sometimes we get caught up in trying to make sure that everything is exactly equal for every single person, but that sometimes takes away our individuality. Just because someone's role is different than yours doesn't mean theirs is more or less important than yours. It just means that it is different. If we were all the same the world would be such a boring place to be.
I love my family so much! I am so grateful that I am sealed to them for time and all eternity. I believe that before we even came to Earth we knew what families we were going to be in. We weren't just randomly sent down here. Our Father in Heaven placed us in specific families so we could fulfill our divine purpose and help each other in the best way possible in returning to our Father in Heaven after our journey here. So the next time you are struggling with your family just remember they need you and you need them because there are certain things you can't do without each other.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Societal Trends and the Family
In our society today there are many trends that we didn't have just a few years ago. As we look at these trends we wonder what impact they have on the family or if they even have an impact on the family at all.
Some of these trends that we studied in class this week were; Cohabitation, Premarital Sex , Childbearing Age, Age of Marriage, Divorce Rate, and Fertility Rate. Statistics show that Cohabitation, Premarital Sex, Childbearing Age, and Age of Marriage are all going up. While the Divorce Rate is stabilizing and the Fertility Rate is going down. How do all of these effect the family? Instead of getting married people are just cohabiting or just having premarital sex instead of getting married. There is no reason to get married when you think you are already receiving the benefits of getting married, because all it really is just a piece of paper. It is more than just a piece of paper! Studies have shown that children do better when they they are raised by a mom and dad who are married. When people eventually decide to get married they are older, which also makes the age of childbearing go up. When the age of child bearing goes up it then effects the Fertility Rate. The older you are the less opportunities you have to bear children. On average throughout the world people are only having one child. This is a huge problem because this means our population is going to start to decrease.
In the world today many people are putting off having a family to pursue personal and career goals. This, in a way, is very troublesome because families are the very building block of our society. They bring growth and stability to the economy. Families create a stable learning and growing environment for children to be given the best opportunity for success. In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" it states "THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." This means the family is a essential part of our existence. The reason we are here on earth is to gain experience like our Father in Heaven to become like Him and we can't do that if we don't have families of our own. At the very end of the proclamation it says "WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures, designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society." In times like today where the family is being questioned of its importance, we need to stand up for it before it is too late.
Additonal Sources:
Demographic Winter Documentary
LDS.org
Some of these trends that we studied in class this week were; Cohabitation, Premarital Sex , Childbearing Age, Age of Marriage, Divorce Rate, and Fertility Rate. Statistics show that Cohabitation, Premarital Sex, Childbearing Age, and Age of Marriage are all going up. While the Divorce Rate is stabilizing and the Fertility Rate is going down. How do all of these effect the family? Instead of getting married people are just cohabiting or just having premarital sex instead of getting married. There is no reason to get married when you think you are already receiving the benefits of getting married, because all it really is just a piece of paper. It is more than just a piece of paper! Studies have shown that children do better when they they are raised by a mom and dad who are married. When people eventually decide to get married they are older, which also makes the age of childbearing go up. When the age of child bearing goes up it then effects the Fertility Rate. The older you are the less opportunities you have to bear children. On average throughout the world people are only having one child. This is a huge problem because this means our population is going to start to decrease.
In the world today many people are putting off having a family to pursue personal and career goals. This, in a way, is very troublesome because families are the very building block of our society. They bring growth and stability to the economy. Families create a stable learning and growing environment for children to be given the best opportunity for success. In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" it states "THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." This means the family is a essential part of our existence. The reason we are here on earth is to gain experience like our Father in Heaven to become like Him and we can't do that if we don't have families of our own. At the very end of the proclamation it says "WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures, designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society." In times like today where the family is being questioned of its importance, we need to stand up for it before it is too late.
Additonal Sources:
Demographic Winter Documentary
LDS.org
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