Preparing for Marriage

Choosing who you will marry in life is a huge decision that you hope to only have to make once in your life. The big question is "How do you make the best decision when picking a spouse?" There are so many people on this planet how can we possibly narrow it down to one person?

There are three things that narrow down your search: propinquity, physical appearance, and personal traits. Propinquity is opportunity, culture, shared experiences, and similar interests. Opportunity is the number one thing that narrows down our search. There are so many people on this earth that you just don't get the opportunity to meet and get to know them.  Where you live is usually where you find someone. Culture is what we believe. People who believe things similar to what you believe you are more likely to connect with them. The same goes with shared experiences and similar interests.
Physical appearance is something that draws you towards a person. You have to be attracted to your spouse to some degree. They may not be the most attractive person you have ever seen, but their personality changes that. Researchers have found that on average you marry someone who is similar to your family, by looks and personality. Personal traits is similar to interests and experiences. They shape us to be who we are and people who have the same or have been through the same things are usually more compatible. All of these things play an important role on choosing a spouse.

After all of these things that narrow down our search for a spouse how do we make a relationship work? A good theory to use is the RAM. The RAM stands for Relationship Attachment Model. It has four steps Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Touch. All these steps need to be done in that specific order for a relationship to work. Think of all the steps having a lever. Every lever needs to meet the top of the scale before moving on to the next step. As an example if you were to trust someone you were dating before you got to know them there would be higher chances of getting that trust broken. When all these steps are done in the right order the relationship has the highest chances to survive.

Another thing to consider would be the Three T's: Togetherness, Time, and Talk. A relationship must have all three of these in order to succeed. All of the T's result in getting to know someone. If you didn't want to know and continue to get to know someone why would you want to date them or marry them?

Relationships and marriage takes work. It isn't always going to be sunshine and daisies. That's why it's so important our relationships are based on more than just looks and physical touch. I know that it is important that as we look for someone to share the rest of our lives with, that we aren't just looking for a spouse but a best friend.

"Choose your Love; Love your Choice" -President Thomas S. Monson